Dive Into the Deep Water

I wonder what the conversion rate is for New Year’s Resolutions, on average. Do fifty percent make it past January? Twenty five? Ten? I don’t know. And I can’t test this on myself because I really can’t remember if I’ve ever made New Year’s Resolutions before – it is an unfathomable mystery. Anyway. I’m starting now, and I’m doing so in public. The public thing is for two reasons: firstly so that if any of you notice that I’m not doing them you can shout at me, and secondly so I can invite any one that’s up for it to try them with me. So here are my five resolutions. (If you don’t feel like you’ve got time to read them, just skip to number five, everything else fits into that.)

One.
Go for walks with people. Have tea with people. Go on adventures with people: climb trees, play frisbee, whatever. Stop worrying that people will think it’s weird if you knock on their door and ask them if they fancy a walk – it’s not that weird. Go out of your way to make time to deepen your friendships with the people around you.

Two.
During these adventures talk about ridiculous, pointless, hilarious things – talk about Rastamouse and the legitimacy or otherwise of eating Nutella with a spoon – but also talk about stuff that matters. Ask about what they hope for, what they believe about the world, about themselves, what it is they worry about, what it is that makes them happy. Ask why they get up in the morning and do whatever it is they do. Get to know your friends hearts, not just their sense of humour. Invite them to tell you their story, because everyone has a story.

Three.
Respond to these stories with love. Always. Don’t condemn, listen. And maybe listening is the loving thing you can do right now. But if they invite you to tell your story back, go for it. Be honest, and wholehearted. And if you have something to say that really could help, say it. Say it in love.

Four.
Invite these people to speak the truth to you. Invite the people you trust to question you, to call your bluff, to dig a little bit and challenge you, call you out to be who you could be, to have integrity. Let them grow you. Be vulnerable, because only when you’re vulnerable are you really alive.

I am very aware as I write this that it sounds horribly pretentious. But if you ignore all the arty short sentences the basic idea that hit me the other day is that we waste a lot of time in our lives being shallow with each other and with ourselves just out of habit. So that’s it really.

Five.
Go deeper.