I’ve been thinking a lot lately about mental illness. A
terrifying number of the people I know and love – especially people who are at
uni now – are fighting some kind of depression or anxiety. Apparently
universities across the country have got far more students needing counselling
and support than they can cope with, and that doesn’t surprise me at all. I am
so grateful that I haven’t had to fight it myself yet (and I do realise that
this makes me completely unqualified to talk about it) but from being close to
people who’ve had depression I can say for sure that it is an unbelievably
horrible thing. I think it’s the most frightening thing I could ever imagine.
For a really powerful description of what it’s like from the inside, you should
all go and look at my friend Tom’s incredible blog - lighthouse318.wordpress.com
From my perspective, as a friend looking on, it makes me
feel spectacularly useless. Because there is so little that anyone can do to help in that situation. I should say
that from what I’ve heard CBT therapists and full on counsellors do an
incredible job, and are incredibly useful – I’m talking about ordinary people
like me. I mean, I can pray, and I have seen those prayers get answered, but
still you can’t just run away from a situation and pray and that’s it. It’s not
enough.
So I’m going to take a strange detour at this point to a
story that I’ve stolen from one of my favourite books: Love Does by Bob Goff. He starts with this story and, (as I say
whenever I tell a story in a blog) I love it way too much. It’s a true story
from his life.
Basically what happened was, when he was 16, Bob decided to drop out of school, and be a mountain climber in Yosemite. He figured he’d just get a job in the valley, and climb in his off-time. The day he got started on this crazy plan, he drove by his friend Randy’s house on the way out, just to say bye. Randy was a friend who worked at Bob’s school for Young Life, a Christian organisation who tried to introduce young people to Jesus. Bob wasn’t interested in Jesus, but Randy was still interested in him, so they’d become friends.
Basically what happened was, when he was 16, Bob decided to drop out of school, and be a mountain climber in Yosemite. He figured he’d just get a job in the valley, and climb in his off-time. The day he got started on this crazy plan, he drove by his friend Randy’s house on the way out, just to say bye. Randy was a friend who worked at Bob’s school for Young Life, a Christian organisation who tried to introduce young people to Jesus. Bob wasn’t interested in Jesus, but Randy was still interested in him, so they’d become friends.
Anyway, a few minutes after Bob knocked on Randy’s door, he
opened it, bleary eyed, and Bob explained what was happening and said goodbye.
Randy looked confused, and clarified that Bob was leaving soon? Right now, said
Bob. Randy had a strange look on his face and he asked Bob to wait for a
minute, before disappearing, and coming back two minutes later with a rucksack
over one shoulder. “Would it be alright if I came with you?” said Randy, “Just
‘til you get settled in, then I’ll make my own way back.” Bob was surprised,
but quite liked the idea. They got in the car and drove six hours to Yosemite.
Bob didn’t have much money, so the first night when they
arrived, the slept in the back of a rent-a-tent, ready to make a run for it if
anyone came round. No one did, and in the morning Bob said he was going to go
and get a job in the valley. Randy just said, “I’m with you Bob.”
No one would give Bob a job. He was sixteen, completely unqualified, and the competition for jobs in Yosemite was incredibly fierce. But Randy kept encouraging him, and told him, “Bob, I believe in you – you can do this thing if you want to. But whatever happens, I’m just with you.”
The next day, as they crawled out the back of the tent, Randy turned to Bob, grinned and said: “Let’s go climb some rocks”. So they climbed rocks all morning, taunting each other and arguing about who was the better climber. Then they headed back into the valley so Bob could try his luck at the last small shops that he hadn’t been to the day before. Still nothing.
They sat on the front of Bob’s car and watched the sun start to set over the mountains. After a long silence Bob turned to Randy and said, “Look, thanks for coming with me and everything, but it looks like I’m striking out. Maybe I think I’ll just head home, and finish school.” Randy said, “I’m with you, Bob” because that was really all there was to say.
They got back in the car, and drove the six hours back. They pulled up in Randy’s drive, alongside Randy’s girlfriend’s car, and Bob followed Randy into the house. He hadn’t actually been invited in, but he just felt like coming. As they got into the living room, he noticed a whole load of boxes and wrapping paper on the floor, and a microwave, half in its box on the sofa. Had he missed Randy’s birthday? Then Randy’s girlfriend came bounding out of the next room, and threw her arms round Randy – “Welcome home, honey!” she said, beaming.
And suddenly Bob realised what had happened. These were wedding presents on the floor. Randy had literally just got married, and instead of spending the first few days of married life with his new wife, he’d spent them sleeping in the back of a tent with some stupid kid who had a stupid plan to drop out of school.
No one would give Bob a job. He was sixteen, completely unqualified, and the competition for jobs in Yosemite was incredibly fierce. But Randy kept encouraging him, and told him, “Bob, I believe in you – you can do this thing if you want to. But whatever happens, I’m just with you.”
The next day, as they crawled out the back of the tent, Randy turned to Bob, grinned and said: “Let’s go climb some rocks”. So they climbed rocks all morning, taunting each other and arguing about who was the better climber. Then they headed back into the valley so Bob could try his luck at the last small shops that he hadn’t been to the day before. Still nothing.
They sat on the front of Bob’s car and watched the sun start to set over the mountains. After a long silence Bob turned to Randy and said, “Look, thanks for coming with me and everything, but it looks like I’m striking out. Maybe I think I’ll just head home, and finish school.” Randy said, “I’m with you, Bob” because that was really all there was to say.
They got back in the car, and drove the six hours back. They pulled up in Randy’s drive, alongside Randy’s girlfriend’s car, and Bob followed Randy into the house. He hadn’t actually been invited in, but he just felt like coming. As they got into the living room, he noticed a whole load of boxes and wrapping paper on the floor, and a microwave, half in its box on the sofa. Had he missed Randy’s birthday? Then Randy’s girlfriend came bounding out of the next room, and threw her arms round Randy – “Welcome home, honey!” she said, beaming.
And suddenly Bob realised what had happened. These were wedding presents on the floor. Randy had literally just got married, and instead of spending the first few days of married life with his new wife, he’d spent them sleeping in the back of a tent with some stupid kid who had a stupid plan to drop out of school.
Bob says that now, whenever he hears Jesus called
‘Emmanuel’, he thinks of Randy. Because ‘Emmanuel’ means ‘God with us’.
And that’s what I keep thinking recently, when I think about this feeling that there’s nothing I can do to help, is that my God calls himself ‘Emmanuel’. He calls himself, ‘God with us’. He says again and again, “I’m with you”. “I will never leave you or forsake you.” “You are not forgotten, you are not alone.” “I’m with you.” My God left complete perfection, and waded into our slimy world, and walked right into the darkest places so that he could whisper in our lonely ears, “I’m with you.” So that not one of us really knows what it is to be alone, because he’s always by our side. Even if we hate him, even if we’ve never given him a moment’s thought, he’s there – waiting. Weeping for us and waiting for us.
And I want people to know that. I want it so badly – for everyone that hurts to know that they are not forgotten and they are not alone. And I also want to be that. I want to be like Randy – to drop anything, and give anything to be with someone when they need a friend. I want to be like my Dad in heaven, who says, “I’m with you.” Whatever it takes, wherever you go, however much it hurts, I’m with you. Because sometimes that is all there is to say.
And that’s what I keep thinking recently, when I think about this feeling that there’s nothing I can do to help, is that my God calls himself ‘Emmanuel’. He calls himself, ‘God with us’. He says again and again, “I’m with you”. “I will never leave you or forsake you.” “You are not forgotten, you are not alone.” “I’m with you.” My God left complete perfection, and waded into our slimy world, and walked right into the darkest places so that he could whisper in our lonely ears, “I’m with you.” So that not one of us really knows what it is to be alone, because he’s always by our side. Even if we hate him, even if we’ve never given him a moment’s thought, he’s there – waiting. Weeping for us and waiting for us.
And I want people to know that. I want it so badly – for everyone that hurts to know that they are not forgotten and they are not alone. And I also want to be that. I want to be like Randy – to drop anything, and give anything to be with someone when they need a friend. I want to be like my Dad in heaven, who says, “I’m with you.” Whatever it takes, wherever you go, however much it hurts, I’m with you. Because sometimes that is all there is to say.
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